A Cultural Look at Feminism
From the eyes of an Indian American young adult
India has a problem, and it doesn’t reside in the country. It’s in the culture. A culture that’s rooted in traditionalism that is centuries old, yet carries so much subordination and tyranny against humans that isn’t meant to be there. This culture doesn’t stop in India — it spreads all over the world. In every Indian household, you will see a similar culture unless the family is somehow “modernized”, which makes them not a true Indian family anymore.
Women and men are meant to be separate but not equal.
At first, I thought this problem was only in India. I thought, my life at home in America is so much different than that of my relatives who live in India. When we visit my grandparents’ place, the men in the house never step foot in the kitchen unless it’s to eat. They never clean the house, only sit on the couches and watch TV, looking over the servants or wives who get in the way when they’re cleaning. When I was 12 years old, I was riding in an auto rickshaw with my mom. I had to ask her why those older men in the motorcycle next to us were looking at me like that. I was young, underdeveloped, wearing glasses and a conservative Indian outfit — I felt so confused and violated. These things never happen to me at home, I thought.
As I grew up I started noticing things. We regularly have family get togethers for dinner. The women cook hours beforehand and clean the house. While they’re preparing the food, the men sit in the living room either watching TV or talking. One of them will ask his wife if the food is ready. The men will take the food first and go back to the living room, while the women make sure the kids have eaten. Once everyone’s gotten food, the women will eat while standing together in the kitchen. The men won’t know when their wives or children eat, and they won’t know what mess there was left behind because the women clean up after them. The men and women don’t interact.
The other day, I went shopping with my friend and we walked next to two Indian men. They talked about us in a language they assumed we didn’t understand, and we saw them staring at us in the same way those men stared at me when I was 12.
With a culture so prevalent everywhere I go, how can I grow as an independent woman? How can I continue living equal among all men that I encounter without feeling a pang of guilt that I am not following the correct traditions and culture? How can I show my family that how they are living is not fair, but it’s also not their fault? How can I forgive them for teaching me to live like this?
And tonight, my mom and dad will get home from their long days at work. My mom will go into the kitchen to cook and clean for the rest of the night, and my dad will watch TV and exercise before he heads to bed.
